Healing through miscarriage and abortion.

Miscarriage and/or abortion is an experience that no woman ever dreams of going through, yet 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage and around 14%-18% of pregnancies end in abortions since the year 2000!

The mental, emotional, physical and spiritual toll of pregnancy loss is something that is very underrated by the western medicine field and generally in society, only those who have experienced pregnancy loss can understand the impact it makes.

Whether the pregnancy is planned or not, loss is still loss, and grief shows up in many ways.

Depression, mood swings, anxiety, shame, guilt, anger, unexplainable sadness are all symptoms of pregnancy loss. Sometimes you wish you could stop time and just process what you are feeling and moving through but time doesn't stop and the world keeps on moving despite your need to mourn. Sometimes it can feel suffocating, there is a crushing feeling in your chest, almost like you can feel your heart physically breaking, you lose the passion and lust for life which leaves you moving through life on auto piolet just trying to get through day by day.

As someone who has suffered through pregnancy loss, I can understand the pain. I hear you, I see you, I feel you.

Healing is never a linear experience, you constantly come back to things you though you worked through just so you can look at it from a different perspective.

Through my pregnancy loss journey, here are some of the rituals I created to honor myself and my rainbow babies.

1.)Forgiveness

is such a powerful tool I used and still use to this day, knowing that what happened was out of my control and there was nothing that I could have done to prevent the outcome for this loss, spousal resentment is SO REAL, in these moments we wish we could point the blame and direct the energy elsewhere (anger is a natural process of mourning) however this is a very unhealthy and damaging coping mechanism. Find softness within yourself, understand that life and death are a natural process in life,

remind yourself what you're feeling is natural. Emotions are energy in motion, feel the feeling but do not come the emotion. (Easier said then done, I know.)

2.)Mediumship

I was so desperate for answers that I sought out guidance from a medium to help with my grief, there was something inside my soul that needed to know that my children did not suffer, I needed to let them know that I was sorry for not being able to do the most basic female task of creating and sustaining life, the guilt ate at me for years until I was able to actually communicate with them through a psychic medium.

Believe it or not, the most amazing breakthrough I had was when the medium told me "your children want you to know that you did nothing wrong, and that they were sent to you so you could experience what true unconditional love felt like, even if it was for just a moment" this statement rocked me to my core and shifted my perspective instantaneously.

3.)Muse

They say grief is love with nowhere to go. My spirit children became my muse and I went to school for massage therapy with the focus to assist women and mourning mothers with their grief, I started baking and giving it to my clients after their sessions, I started teaching children how to skate and ride bikes, I started writing poetry and painting to let the energy flow though me into something productive and creative with my true expression. I found a purpose bigger than myself which kept me striving to be better for those around me.

Being of service 51% of the time and service to self 49% of the time.

4.)Connection

I found reprieve in my sorrow when I reconnected with my community, and felt peace when I was around the children which reminded me of the simple joys of life, happiness, courage and curiosity. While connecting with the children in my community I was reminded that we as the human race are all one consciousness, I was able to move through and reprogram old pattens that weren't previously in the forefront of my awareness, this also helped me break through mental blocks that were keeping me blocked from blessings.

5.)Present moment awareness

Also known as prayer or meditation, this came almost naturally when I worked through the dense emotions of loss. During my meditations I was able to become receptive to not only my internal energy but also the energy of the outside world, I became more in tune with the field, I could pick up on subtle shifts in energy from those around me and that when I activated the superpower of awareness. With this new attuned superpower, I was able to use it to help guide others through torturous experiences while remaining detached and looking at situations from many points of view. It's hard to see the view from the mountain top when you're still stuck in the thick brush.

These 5 examples are just some of the many techniques that I used to help as I moved through the toughest part of my life.

Keep in mind that everyone has a different way of grieving, what ever way you choose to mourn, all I ask is that you be gentle with yourself.

We are spirit experiencing what it is like to be human.

Stay tuned for more information on the 5 stages of grief, in a future blog post.